I am a motorcyclist...

I had a strange realization the other day; due to extraneous circumstances, I drove my car to work.  As I left the building for the day, without my helmet and gear, I did not feel like my "self."  Nathan has talked before about riding as becoming part of identity.  I haven't disagreed, but I haven't felt like a motorcyclist in the past.  I've felt like a dirt biker, but to me that's like someone who works a day job and plays in a band or climbs rocks on the weekend.  Somehow, riding two wheels every single days has started to transform my identity. 

Which got me thinking about Erickson's Stages of Identity Development, and how it relates to rider identity development.

Trust vs. Mistrust
When I am on a motorcycle, I have to trust myself.  There's no one to blame for my mistakes.  I take full responsibility for the risk I am undertaking.  As a child, this identity crisis is parent dependent.  As a motorcyclist, it is self-concept dependent.

Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt
As a new rider, it was hard to set out by myself.  I'd come home and "confess" all my mistakes of the day.  There were times I doubted I could become a competent, safe rider.  But I pushed myself.  It was a bit like cutting the umbilical cord.  I had to make my own mistakes, recover from them and learn from them to learn to ride.  I had to learn to act, and not let my self-doubt inhibit my learning.

Initiative vs. Guilt
The first time I dropped my bike, I felt like I was going to be in trouble.  With who, I don't know, but Nathan was the nearest human.  The fallout from this mistake was that we had to make repairs, and I couldn't ride until my bike was fixed.  While this was a bummer, it was a great lesson to me that I can take risks, and deal with the consequences.  It continued to build my trust and autonomy.

Industry vs. Inferiority
When I feel inferior, I hesitate about riding.  This keeps me from doing the very thing I need to do to improve.  Industry is all about doing.  I have learned that outside of occasional VERY bad weather, nothing need keep me off my bike.

Identity vs. Role Confusion
Ah, the motorcycling teen years.  "I waved to another rider, but I feel like a fraud.  I don't feel like a real motorcyclist."  Here I was, riding every day, but I saw my weaknesses and my mistakes, and thought that kept me from being a real rider.  Something shifted inside of me.  I pushed myself to do what scared me, gained some skills, learned to risk.  And suddenly I found myself.  A motorcyclist.

Generativity vs. Stagnation
This is my current lesson, though in my view, the others are never mastered, simply practiced.  I don't want any of my skills to plateau.  It can happen to anyone.  We get comfortable, we think we've "got it".  But the trick to staying safe is always pushing to improve.  If we practice panic swerves hundreds of times, that debris that falls of the truck will instinctually be avoided.  If we practice our panic stops, we have our best chance of not hitting a deer that jumps out. 

Ego Integrity vs. Despair
This is a stage beyond me.  A stage where one looks back and reflects on "was it ok to be me?" Or in this analogy "Did I like the motorcyclist I became?"  It is my hope that with continued focus on my development, that I can face this stage with courage, confidence, and peace.