Winter Blues and Winter Fixes....

I'm a four season rider in the Pacific Northwest, where it is truly possible to ride all four seasons.  However, that doesn't mean it's a good idea to ride every day.  We do get the occasional snow and ice, and the past two years, I've hit ice patches commuting to work that woke me up, but luckily didn't send me down.  This year, I've been trying to be a bit more responsible about which days I choose to ride,, and taking four wheels if it's iffy.

This means rather than riding daily, I'm riding 1-2 times a week, and I feel it in my energy levels.  I'm starting to think I've got an adrenaline addiction; without riding, I'm a bit more sleepy when I get to work, and a bit less perky at the end of my day.  But, our winters are usually mild, so I also keep hoping we've gotten the snow out of our system for a bit, and I can go back to riding daily after the new year.

However, it's not all doom and gloom.  To get my fix in a different way, I've started working on a Women's ADV magazine.  http://womenadvriders.com/  This has stretched me in a dozen new ways already, and I look forward to stretching in even more directions.

It has made me ponder the difference between my blogging and magazine writing.  In blogging, I'm journaling, and sharing with the thought that perhaps someone else has felt this way, and might be interested in reading a fellow travelers perspective. Or they have never felt something I'm describing, but reading about it broadens their perspective. Or perhaps no body reads it, but I've gotten to process my feelings in writing, and I can move forward in a new way.  For the magazine, I am always thinking about my intent and my audience.  I want to write things that either inspire or inform.  It's no longer about my process, but about reaching out and communicating.  I've also realized that my photography skills and equipment may need some upgrading to do a better job.  And, as someone who is frequently writing about working on a bike as a novice and riding skills, I'm really working on how to effectively communicate my experiences in those areas.

Another piece of fun that has happened is that we bought a little 1996 Geo Metro to meet my occasional commuting needs.  Nathan and I have gotten to do some tinkering on it, and I got to drive it in said snow, and made some discoveries.  Having grown up in California, I never learned to drive in the snow.  Even living in Spokane for 5 years, I learned that I had no idea how to drive in the snow unless the roads were plowed.  However, hanging out with Nathan and riding a motorcycle off road somehow accidentally taught me how to drive in the snow!  My four point basic lesson was 1) stay calm.  I've had lots of experience learning how to keep myself calm while riding, and it translated to driving in the snow.  2) Keep your momentum up.  So many cars were abandoned during our recent snow storm due to people getting stuck on hills.  3) Be smooth on the controls.  This is related to staying calm.  When I am all tensed up and panicked, I tend to jam on the brakes and give too much steering input.  When I am calm, I just gently nudge the car where it needs to go.  4) Brake, then turn.  This is something I learned in motorcycling that somehow I'd never learned before.  Using these skills and sticking to main roads (I know the unplowed hills were an impossibility) I safely made it home with not a single scary moment.

The sun is out today and tomorrow, so I'm hoping to shake some of these winter blues with at least a sort ride.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends and family!

a funny thing happened...

In the last couple week, something happened.  I can pinpoint the exact ride when I realized it, even though it's been a journey, not a destination.  Two weeks ago, when I was be bopping around Portland, I realized that I had gotten bored with being scared.  For months, since I had gotten the BMW, every time I took it off road, or looked at a narrow u-turn on the street, I could feel the pit in my stomach, my hands would shake, and I'd get fuzzy in the brain.... somewhere between mild panic and terror.  But, that day, I was on my own. I ended up in some awkward needing to turn around situations (ie, I must get a picture of my bike in front of that awesome brick wall, or oops I turned down a dead end road.)  I followed street signs that indicated worse and worse roads in Portland, and rode through rutted mud.  I didn't turn on my GPS to find my way, but instead explored based on whichever way struck my fancy.  And, I realized that spot in my stomach where the fear started was hollow.  I had the urge to drive up on a sidewalk and take a picture, so I did.  Then I realized I was on my own and in a predicament, so I just had to get down off that sidewalk, no other choice.

I came home wanting to write about it, but (ironically) was scared that the fear wasn't really gone.  So I waited.  Did some more riding, playing, challenging myself.  We took our bikes to Millican Valley last weekend, with the intention of getting me some off road practice (without pouring rain was the perk to driving that far.)  Nathan fully expected to spend the weekend on gravel roads.  We did ride gravel roads.  It was so much fun!  Way more fun than riding while managing a pit of anxiety in my stomach and shaking hands.  We found a large hill.  No problem.  We found a puddle... Ok, that didn't go so smoothly, but at least it was a soft mud landing. We did the same gravel road over and over, my confidence building each time.  We did that gravel road at night!  That was a feat... I can't see well at night, but my awesome headlight kept me on track.

The next day we started on gravel roads, but I was up for the next challenge.  How about green trails?  So we were of.  The trails out there are sandy dirt, firmed up by the moisture, with gentle, wide bermed turns.  We did that, and at each intersection, Nathan would check in with the group.  We all wanted to keep going, so we did.  The trail, though still rated a green, took a turn for the more extreme... a patch of rocks to pick my way through, a larger patch of larger rocks to pick my way through... Slightly deeper sand.  It was fascinating... Evidently, the boredom with being scared stuck, but there were some well rehearsed pathways in my brain doubting my ability.  I stopped, decided that my only option was to actually ride it, and then I picked a speed, picked a line, and found my way through more complex rocky sections.  The sand tried taking me out, but a slip of the clutch and a roll of the throttle kept me going.  Even the major rocky section Nathan stopped to warn me about was not a problem... steady speed, lean back, ignore the fact that it sounded like the rocks were trying to remove my skidplate, and go!   Fist pump and a F*** yeah as after that one.

I can't say for sure the fear is gone, but it's at least on an extended vacation.  Meanwhile, I'm building positive experiences and seat time.

After this weekend, on a seemingly unrelated note, I had some time in my expressive arts therapy group to do some creating on the theme peace, love, and serenity.

My art is simply self expression; I love sending it to Nathan, just to share.  He texted back "they both have holes."  Hm.... very much how I felt when I had been looking for that unfamiliar pit of anxiety over the last couple weeks.  Like everything around it is there, where it is supposed to be, but something is missing.  How funny the subconscious can be....