Yesterday, we set out to explore some gravel roads we'd heard about from our friend. We were accompanied by said friend and his partner, and started the day with a warm breakfast and lots of laughter. Which has nothing to do with the point of this blog, but set the tone for the day. We set out on familiar roads, becoming more and more rural as we headed toward skyline blvd. As we rose in elevation, there were little bits of snow sparkling in the grass by the road. Pretty. As we continued to ride, the little bits of snow turned into reasonable piles of snow, especially for Oregon. We continued, the roads were mostly dry from the past few days of cold sun and local traffic. We finally arrived at our first gravel road. I had a bit of trepidation; I've encountered bits of ice on the road before, and instinctively stood up, let the bike do it's thing, didn't touch the gas or the breaks, and planned my next move while in motion. I've also had some challenges getting used to the BMW as an off road motorcycle, though each trip seems to be getting progressively better. The first times I off roaded it, I would get so nervous my hands would shake. The last time was quite successful, so I wasn't nervous going into this ride, but aware that those feelings have been around in the past. The gravel road was 75% clear, 25% patches of ice. Interesting, still no anxiety or fear. Ok, let's do this. I said out loud, No Front Brake. I've gotten into trouble jamming on the front brake too hard in the past. I know how to ride, but sometimes my feelings get in the way of my knowledge. If I remind myself, it puts into my conscious awareness the correct way to off road. We went down that road until it ended, and turned around. So far so good! We stopped on the way back to play in the snow and take pictures. Lots of fun! We decided to continue to head to another gravel road. Challenge level rose... More shade, more curves, more ice. But, at the end of this gravel road, a jeep trail beckoned, so down we went. It was actually a lot of fun. Some nervous moments, but really, it was becoming just plain fun. In the back of my mind, as we went up the curves, I remember thinking "eventually, we may have to come down this" but hope lingered that we'd just continue on and not have to come back. Denial is my friend. We made it to the jeep trail, and Nathan did some scouting... The Jeep trail was quite slick, so we decided to turn around. Coming back, things got interesting. The corner where the thought occurred to me on the way up approached; We all stopped. Nathan offered to ride my bike, but my stubborn streak reared its head. I watched Nathan do it, I watched Tim do it with a passenger, I could do it too, darn it. I started out... so far so good; barely at the balance point, but I didn't have to worry about the bike getting slower going down hill on ice, I just needed to let it coast. Suddenly, without even thinking about it, I had picked up a small amount of speed. I don't remember doing it, but I must have just tapped my rear brake. The rear tire, which had been so nicely in line with the front tire, started to slide downhill, and the bike started to tip. This seemed to be happening in slow motion... there was a bit of screaming happening (that was me) and in the intercom Daphnie says "Kris is down" and hops off the back of Tim's bike. I let everyone know I'm fine, and consider trying to pick my bike up, but I can't even stand to the side of my bike, the hill is so slippery. Nathan got it up, and coasted it downhill for me. I watched him, and knew that was what I'd meant to do! We discovered a bent shift level, an easy fix. We met a fellow adventure rider, who said the road on the other side of the mountain was in better shape, so we rode that road too, before heading back to pavement for lunch.
The lesson here is a new flavor for an old dish; I've now had a muscle memory experience of what it's like to hit the rear brakes unconsciously. It ended up being an injury free and low cost learning experience. Because so much of personal growth depends on making the unconscious conscious. I have a colleague and friend who used to say "I don't think we ever get rid of our 'stuff'', we just get better at dealing with it.' I think that's true; motorsports may never come as naturally to me as some of my other skills, but as long as I continue to be willing to delve into my unconscious fears and automatic reactions, my progress continues. And my progress is very important to me. I fantasize about riding in an undeveloped country with minimal developed roads, or doing a backroads discovery tour. I am committed to my learning and building my skills.
The other awesome take away from yesterday is that I'm starting to have fun on my adventure bike. With each ride, I conquer something new; it's not the terrain or the bike that is the problem, it is the internal questions about my own capabilities. With more experience is coming more confidence, and the inner doubts are quieting. The more success I have, the more I want to do. And the more I want to do, the more opportunity will manifest. I'm delighted to be having more fun. And, I'm also delighted to be have this opportunity for personal growth; I've never had anything challenge me as much as motorcycles, but I've also never done anything that has really developed my present moment awareness, tapped into my sense of adventure, and given me the deep pleasure and passion that motorcycling has given me.
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