Nathan is always right....

This is a long overdue blog post, because ever since this discovery, I have ridden my bike almost every day.  But let's back up.  So, a Ninja 250 is about the only sport bike I could sit on in a motorcycle store and reach the ground.  And with the kick stand down, it was about exactly the right height.  So I get my bike, and I can just barely touch with both of my toes. Which in Kris's world, means I should challenge myself and just figure it out.  Nathan advised lowering my bike; his philosophy was that being able to touch would build my confidence. I kept saying no; I needed to learn it the way it was.  Because I'm stubborn like that.  So, after a couple months of this, Nathan ordered a lowering kit for my bike.  Just to try.  And then after a month, we actually lowered it.  And then I had to admit... Nathan is always right.  I do feel more confident lower to the ground.  Almost instantly my stops and my starts got better.  Zooming along the freeway, I never would need to put my feet down, but being at a height that is about my walking height made me feel so much more confident.  Dealing with banked roads while stopping and starting was so much more manageable; I didn't feel like I was about to drop my bike every time. 


Since then, I have been able to push myself in other ways.  I try to push my speed in the curves to a normal motorcycle speed.  I am riding to work every day that I can (I took Wednesday off to bring in leftover cake, and due to rain.  Rain is my next post.)  I'm learning that my bike doesn't like to warm up, it just likes to ride with the choke on, and to be continually adjusted for the first ten minutes.  I'm sure there are dozens of other things, but the other great thing is that commuting isn't learning something amazingly new every day; it's become a continual process of refining my SEE skills and playing with the idea of swerving... what if the truck on my right drifts into my lane... press the left handle bar... what's left of me if I do that? How would I need to correct if I had to go onto the gravely shoulder?  How many gears do I need to drop down if I really want to accelerate around something? 


Many more challenges and learning experiences to come... and many more admissions, I am sure, that Nathan is always right.

Book Review....

After a rainy week, with more talk about motorcycles than riding, I figured I may as well write a book review.  (Well, this didn't get published that week, because the weather improved!) Today's book is How to Ride Off Road Motorcycles.


How to Ride Off Road Motorcycles is an AWESOME manual with step by step instructions on how to teach it and/or do it right.  There are isolated lessons for each skill, fun stories that remind me that the experts were beginners once, and photographs that show how to do it correctly.  The skills start with identifying parts of the dirt bike, how to use the clutch and throttle, and how to brake.  But, they don't stop there.  This book covers advanced techniques including wheelies, large obstacles, whoops, jumps, and so much more.  There is even a chapter on applying this knowledge to street bike riding!


I recommend this book to all beginners who want to build good habits, and even recommend a quick read by veterans can help improve skills.

New confidence...

I learned something magical at the motorcycle safety class.  Now, mind you, it doesn't mean I was jumping up and down at the time that I had to unlearn a bad habit.  But, I did decide to put in the effort, and am seeing the results. 


There's consistent debate about how much to cover your front brakes, your clutch, and your rear  brakes when riding a motorcycle.  Because I tend to like rules and safety (what kind of motorcycle rider am I anyway) I went with the habit of covering everything, all the time.  Well, that's like living life in a constant state of anxiety; everything seems dangerous and scary, and the only out is going slow or stopping.  At class, they worked on panic stops, using all five fingers.  And reminded me every time I slipped back into an old habit. It has been a struggle, but I am close to breaking the habit of covering everything all the time, and suddenly, there is an internal transformation!  I ride like I know what I am doing, most of the time.  I ride like I am ready to take on the world.  I feel like I am ready to take on the world.  I'm no longer nervous about what could happen, I'm paying attention to what is happening.  And, my hand is on the throttle, completely, rather than half way ready to stop, giving me even more control and more confidence.


It was noticed by my fiancée last night.  Sure, I'm not perfect; I enter some corners too slow still and get wobbly.  I second guess my decisions.  I forget to check when I am the leader if my person is following me.  But, overall, there is a difference.  I feel confident and happy and capable.  And, when I go into a corner, I experienced looking down the road, past the corner, at least some of the time.  And, on at least two occasions, I had time to think about lane position and apexing and where on the road to be to see furthest down the road and through the corner.  (we found a windy road and hit a few corners last night, so two out of ten is progress, not perfection. :) )  But his first feedback was that I am doing well.  Which, of course, made my night.


Still plenty to tackle, but I'm ready with a whole new attitude. 

Relax....

First... I did it!  I passed the test for my motorcycle endorsement.  I have proven that under extreme pressure I can make a U-turn in 20 feet and weave between cones.  And I can avoid a pretend mattress that has fallen on the road between a cliff leading to hot lava and another cliff leading to a 1000 foot drop into the icy ocean.  (Do we riders have wonderful imaginations or what? :) )

The entire day was amazing.  I got to share it with my darling fiancee, who is a long experienced rider.  That in itself made it special.  Our instructor, Martin, was phenomenal.  He's been teaching this class for forever, and knows when to wig out and when to chill.  He was funny, and from Texas.  Or at least that was his most recent move.  He hasn't owned a car since 2001, but our weather is making him think about getting a truck. Anyway... We had a second helping instructor for the afternoon, a rather militaristic dude named Rolf.  He seemed very into the rules and such.  Both of these guys were patient, kind, and full of helpful feedback.  Things like keep your head up and look through the turn, and press your chin toward your wrist to really get a good position through the curve.  No more covering the front break and clutch all the time, just in stop and go traffic.    

The funny thing was, Rolf and Martin would give me all these great tips, but both had one common thread throughout the day.  Relax.  Rolf would tell me things to fix, and then ask what the most important was, and I could remember all the things he said, except relax.  Relaxing is the furthest thing from my mind when I am on a motorcycle.  I grew up thinking it looked cool and fun, and imagining it would be easy, like driving a car.  But the reality is, your brain needs to be 'on' all the time. And I like to over prepare, so I fall into the unheard of category of "too defensive."  I haven't developed comfort scanning my environment and doing the legal "California Stop" on my motorcycle (I did do one last night!) because I have to put my foot down to stop and really see what all is going on before I can decide if it is safe to go.  I try to stay away from all cars on the highway, which is actually impossible; much more important to stay seen and stay out of their blind spots.  I slow down when I feel unsure what the road will do next, even if logic dictates the predictability of the freeway, because my "what if" brain overrides my logic.  

Riding a motorcycle well seems to be about relaxing and having confidence that you can handle what comes up.  Have fun, practice swerving and quick stops so that when there is a road emergency, your reflexes are at their finest, and you aren't over-analyzing everything and paralyzed into non reaction. While keeping your brain in the "on" position, and never being lulled into a false sense of safety.  Because you are out there, responsible completely for your well being, with no cage to protect you.  It's about knowing what you can control, and capitalizing on the strengths of the motorcycle, rather than focusing on what you lack and how at risk you are. And knowing that the joy and fun bring some risk, and being ok with the level of risk you accept by choosing to ride a motorcycle.  

These are life lessons too; we cannot control the actions of other people, humans are happiest when they are adaptable and open to change.  The more we worry, the less we see what is actually around us.  We shouldn't be lulled into a false sense of safety, but worrying about things that haven't yet gone wrong or are outside of our control is counter productive.  The more I ride a motorcycle, the more I see my values and personality as a strength as a rider.  If I could just enact my natural way of being while riding, how much better I would ride!  

But learning to ride a motorcycle is also a education in self acceptance.  I have a slow, stair step process of having an experience, processing it, and building knowledge for the future.  Confidence comes from experience, but experience comes from confidence. So I slowly take my baby steps toward riding well, and with each of these baby steps, I relax a little more.  I mean really, I've come a long way from the girl that may have had a top speed of 17 mph! 

The impending test...

To be endorsed in the State of Washington to ride a motorcycle, you have to pass a written test to get your permit, and a skills test to get your license.  This test is designed to be a fair evaluation of your skills.  It includes a cone weave, doing a quick stop, turning from a stop, swerving, and a U-turn in 20 feet.  To be transparent, I don't usually have test anxiety, but that lack of anxiety comes from preparing for the test beforehand.  So, my fiancée has been kind enough to help me learn the skills for my test that I am supposed to learn on Saturday in the class I have signed up for.  I'm not out of the woods yet, but at least I'm making progress!

This process has made me reflect on other big tests I've had to take over the course of my life. I barely remember the SAT, or the psychology GRE at the end of my bachelors.  Recently I've had to take two long multiple choice examinations in order to get my professional licenses.  But these tests don't stand out as the types of tests that really evaluate the skills they want to evaluate.  When I try to think of tests that evaluate important life skills, I think of my grad school comprehensive examination.  In this examination, we had to complete and defend a thesis style paper about our theory of human nature and counseling, conceptualize a client from this viewpoint, videotape and then transcribe a session in which we utilize skills and concepts from our theory in the session.  While presenting this, we had to be open to feedback from our professors about our strengths and weaknesses.  Now, when you have put your whole heart and soul into articulating your understanding of people and how they work, and videotaped yourself acting in that way, it can be quite challenging to then accept feedback about how you were right or wrong in your conceptualization.  And yet, that was the point of the experience.  As a counselor, I have to be open to feedback from my clients, my supervisors, lawyers, judges, co-workers, and administrative workers.  Ignoring feedback from any one of these people could compromise my job, and often it informs what direction I need to take with my client.  Because with everything in life, there are limits.  There are limits to insurance, there are limits to confidentiality, there are limits to people's goodwill toward you.  And all of these things affect a counseling relationship whether we want them to or not.

In the same way, as I learn to ride a motorcycle, I need to stay open to feedback.  I have had moments where this is easy, and moments where this is hard.  But, with my lack of experience, I need to stay open to feedback that tells me what I am doing right, which skills I need to work on, and what aspects of my environment I completely overlooked.  It is only in staying open to this feedback that I will be able to become a safe and competent rider.

Tests are designed to evaluate what we know.  Everything in life can present a test in its own way.  My goal is to stay open to feedback each day of my life, allowing myself to really hear what the other person is trying to communicate, and reflecting on how it applies to me or my situation.  When the big tests come, I hope to have the skills and the support in order to meet them with confidence.  And meanwhile, I hope I pass my motorcycle endorsement test this Saturday.

2014...

At the beginning of last year, I had a strange thing happen.  For the last 5 or so years of my life, I have organized myself around achieving a professional goal of becoming a LMHC (Licensed Mental Health Professional) and a CDP (Chemical Dependency Professional.)  There has been lots of living in those five years as well, but of all the things in this world that there were to do, my professional goals remained in full focus.  As of late January, 2013, I had achieved both of those. I became a girl looking for direction.  Or joyful in the lack of it. I knew eventually I would develop a new driving force, but I felt a bit like a boat in the sea without an anchor, or a butterfly free of it's cocoon.

I still wanted to be a good mom to my daughter, helping her achieve her high school goals.  I wanted to be a good partner to my boyfriend, who I adored.  I had just gotten back on my dirtbike, after finally taking some time off to heal from an injury (a post I haven't yet written), and wanted to improve my skill on that.  I was loosely looking at a new job.  

As is always true in life, changes were brewing.  My boyfriend proposed. (I said yes!) I got the new job.  And I set my heart on doing a poker run.  As a new fiancee, I wanted to figure out what that meant, how to be a fiancee, to really take some time to focus on my self and my relationship, to understand what marriage meant to me, especially as it was a second marriage.  No wedding plan flurry, I just wanted to slow life down for a bit.  Professionally, there was a bit of a flurry, getting on insurance panels and talking with my beloved employer about a slow transition to my new job. And my daughter is an active participant in robotics and music, which kept many evenings full.  I also reexamined my role as a soon to be step mom to my fiancees daughter.  She and I had developed a close friendship over the past year.  We visit her every other weekend, and spent many weekends outside skiing and exploring the woods on our off road vehicles.  

The second half of the year has created a gentle rhythm, no longer newly engaged, feeling settled in the new job, our daughters senior years and eighth grade years progressing nicely.  Somewhere in there, I set my heart on a street bike.  I bought a REALLY old Ninja 250, but no amount of tinkering without significant investment was going to get it running well enough for me to learn to ride.  (If you've read the other blog entries, you'll understand that I have enough challenges with riding without an engine idling high and sending me right off the road!)  So, I resigned myself to this being a someday dream, selling that old Ninja, and simply pursuing my dirt bike riding.  The very next day, my fiancee bought me a white 2011 Ninja 250 in beautiful condition.  An early birthday and Christmas present!  (for the next three years!)  

Which shifted my goals for the year.  It was October, and a poker run had yet to fit into our every other weekend schedule in two different cities.  Instead, I set my sights on learning to ride my Ninja, and working toward my Motorcycle endorsement.

Which brings me to the beginning of 2014.  What are my goals for this year?  Well, this weekend I'm testing for my motorcycle endorsement.  In May, we are planning a lovely and simple wedding on the Hood Canal.  Following that, we want to have a two week adventure on our motorcycles down the Pacific Coast Highway.  In June, our daughters will graduate from their respective schools.  In August, my daughter will head off to her first year of college.  Following that, we have houses to sell, jobs to find, and a move to make to be closer to my step-daughter.  I'd like to do some group rides on the street, and I'd still like to complete that Poker Run goal from last year.  Resolutions? No.  But this year, life is presenting plenty of goals to accomplish, and I'm tossing in a few fun ones.